January 16, 2012 was the worst day of my life.
My phone rang at 8:00 in the morning on a school holiday and my mom yelled into my ear.
I dropped the phone.
I collapsed on the floor.
The rest is a blur of screaming, car rides, crying, phone calls, blank stares, and stomach pains.
January 16, 2012 will never leave me.
I lost one of my brothers that day.
I lost him unfairly and unexpectedly.
That week stretched into what felt like a month and then a year. People came, visited, cried, prayed, brought food, ate, asked questions, listened to answers. The nights were the worst when the people stopped and it was just us.
I had never felt so lost. I had never felt so helpless. I had never felt so useless, yet so needed.
Thoughts flew furiously around in head as I considered how I was going to make this right, how I was going to mend my sister's heart.
I remember going into business mode and my business was her. Every whimper or scream pulled me to my feet. What did she need? What could I do? How could I fix this? How?
The busier I was, the less I had to feel. My mission was less pain for all. My mission was a failure.
All the while, I had someone next to me, behind me, and sometimes propping me up. He slept on my living room floor. He got food. He bought cigarettes. He greeted people he'd never met. He absorbed tears to fill a lake.
One night, sitting blankly in my parent's bedroom, my mom broke the silence with, "You can marry him."
To which I simply and exhaustedly replied, "I think I will."
In my, then 23 years of life, I had never had my soul ministered to me like he did during that week, turned year.
That Friday, he took me to my apartment. He had stolen my key and gotten there earlier without me knowing. There were flowers. There was a pallet on my couch.
He sang over me. He prayed over me. He read scripture over me and he let me sleep.
He knew the remedy. He knew the mission was not less pain. He knew the mission was bring pain to the Healer. He interceded for me when I had no prayer to pray. He read bread of life over me when I had starved myself. And he still does this today.
January 16, 2012 will never leave me. It will always be the worst day of my life.
January 2012 will also forever be the time I knew that I had found a mate to chase this life with. Someone who ministers to my soul.
