For Auld Lang Syne

1. Marriage is hard work, with some of the best return. My cup overflows with the chances that this past year has brought to do ministry alongside my soulmate; for ministry is THE hardest work with THE best return.

2. There is pleasure to be found in your job. I did not believe this to be true at all, until August. What a joy to wake up with hope instead of despair.

3. Parenthood is a mandate from scriptures, and thus from God, however, I am terrified, truly truly terrified of being one. In the meantime, I have two gorgeous, healthy nephews who bring light to my life.

4. Life is sweet and fleeting. The Word of God is true and everlasting. The salvation of God is costly and free.  The hope of eternity is real and relieving. 

5. I have been given family and that is  precious gift. 

We'll take a cup of kindness yet…

Who defends a lion?

 Defend the Bible? I would as soon defend a lion! Unchain it and it will defend itself.
-C H Spurgeon
Heart heavy by the product of information falling on deaf ears of ignorance,  I write this, knowing that on deaf ears it may fall again.
I have watched and read silently this week as many claiming-to-be followers of Christ made fools of themselves by ignorantly commenting and posting from one end of the spectrum or another about a belief shared by a multimillionaire. My grief is not at all with the statement from Phil Robertson. My only comment on that is if you do not want the opinion of a bible believing man, don't ask for it.
Rather, my heaviness comes from the obscene amount of support that one man has gotten over being suspended from a television show that, let's face it folks, he hates doing anyway. Why, my defenders of the faith, are we so passionate about defending a man who will pick up his shotgun and quietly retreat to his earthly paradise of duck hunting, when there are so many other defenseless souls that need your outcries so much more? Where are your posts and reposts about the sex trafficking that is happening, not only in foreign lands across the world, but on US SOIL? Where is your disgust that the majority of benefactors of this industry are American business men? Why are we not standing in the gap for the poor and hungry who will merely experience Wednesday, December 25, and not Christmas Day as the bulk of us will embrace it with cheer and gluttony? And where are the articles posted about abortion? Where are the voices to defend those lives that we're never given a chance to develop one? The hungry, the hurting,  the forgotten? Do we not defend because they do not entertain?  Where is the church when it matters?
 I guarantee you that Phil Robertson is doing just fine whether you agree with his sentiments or not or whether you establish a Facebook group of supporters or protestors. Instead, I challenge you to use your social media footprint to defend someone who needs defending, not Phil Robertson and not the Bible. The Word of God has never needed defending, only sharing.
 Let the Lion do its thing.
 As for us, may we take to heart and action from Romans 12:9-21:
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[g] serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.[h] Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it[i] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Not For Sale Campaign                             Invisible Children

Polaris Project                                           Union Gospel Mission

Safe Haven                                                 The Gospel Coalition

empty bucket full of lies

I need my bucket filled. Why is it that in a position centered on people, one feels so lonely? My heart has ached for genuine fellowship and has been blessed with beautiful gifts of friendships. My heart has ached for the love and companionship of a man, and has been blessed with the great gift and responsibility of marriage.  I serve over 700 children on a weekly basis.  I teach toddlers and young adults and I serve on committees but I… AM … LONELY.

I need my bucket filled. I have never felt more detached. I have never felt as left out or unwanted. I feel overwhelmed. I feel overused. I feel empty, but I’m continually being asked to give. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE! I need my bucket filled. There are days when I would kill to have B work from 8-5 and come home to me the same time day in and day out. We could serve together. We could go to sleep together. We could schedule normal things like normal people. We wouldn’t have to scrap the bottom of the barrel to find a time to be together alone. I know this would only cause him to be miserable, which I would hate, most of all.

I am worried. I worry all of the time and I need my bucket filled.   What will we do when we have kids?  How will I be able to let someone else raise my children all day? How will my heart not break into a million pieces as I leave them in the care of another?  How will I compare as a mother? How will we balance ministry and parenthood… and marriage?

I feel all of this and immediately recognize the selfishness of it all. I immediately see the ridiculousness of it all. Then the guilt sets in. It overwhelms and consumes me, so that I cannot work out my thoughts to resolve any of it. Who am I to demand or desire such attention? There is work to be done, kingdom work, things that are eternal and much bigger than me, but I need my bucket filled. 

Then, I bottle it up because it is always me. I am always the one with the issues and the problems and the worries. I am always the one to overreact and cry.  I HATE being that person. I wish so badly that I could grow a thick skin and that things would not affect me so deeply. I wish that I could take a backseat and be ok. I wish that I could take advantage of time alone instead of finding it time wasted or lonely. I wish I could stop feeling so much. I HATE IT. I hate it with every ounce of my being. I don’t think I can cry any more tears and then they continue to come.  I need my bucket filled.

And this is the influence of the enemy…